The List
by SupremeEvilRegal
Summary: Inspired by the movie Now Is Good. Emma has a terminal illness and it seems the only light in her life is Regina. Regina is the only one who can help her, and who she wants to help her, finish her list. Rated M for mature themes, language and imagery. SwanQueen, but many other ships and characters will be referenced. AU. Teenage.
1. Chapter 1

**So I recently saw Now Is Good and it inspired this fic- totally AU and because Emma will be Tessa, meaning she's 17, Henry will be her brother rather than her son and if you've seen the movie then you know how this will pan out so yeah I hope you like it and of course there will be changes (like Regina being Adam) but the basic plot will be the same :)**

* * *

"Which one do you want?" Ruby asked, slapping more red lipstick on and pouting at the mirror. Emma laughed at her, shaking her head. Ruby was the most insatiable and promiscuous human she had ever met. Ruby rolled her eyes when Emma laughed. She turned round to try glare at her, but she saw the brunette couldn't keep the grin from her face. "Well? I really don't mind."

Emma sighed and shrugged. "Doesn't it make me, like, a whore? You know, sleeping with a guy I just met?" Emma asked quietly, fiddling with her hands.

Ruby walked over to her and wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulder, squeezing her close to whisper, "It makes you feel alive, Em."

Emma nodded and pulled her head round to look at Ruby, grinning. "I'll have the Irish one." Ruby pouted.

"Are you sure? The Irish one?" Emma raised her eyebrows, smirking.

"You want him." She stated, wriggling her eyebrows at Ruby, who gasped and hit her off.

"No- no! I... I just..." Ruby tried to think of a reasonable excuse, but Emma just laughed and changed her mind.

"I'll take the English one then, I don't mind."

Ruby grinned and hugged her tight. "Only if you're sure- after all, it is the first thing on your list."

Emma shook her head, standing up to glance in the mirror." You know I don't have a list."

Ruby rolled her eyes and followed her to the mirror to touch up her hair before heading for the door. "Better start now then, because your life's just beginning." She winked and blew Emma a kiss before disappearing into the hall.

Emma sighed and patted her wig one last time, just to be sure, before taking a deep breath and following Ruby.

* * *

Killian shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing nervously at Emma every so often as she looked around the kitchen, trying to hide her jittering nerves.

"You, uh, you want a drink?" he asked. Emma flipped her head to look at him, his voice snapping her out of her daze.

"What?"

He chuckled nervously. "Drink? Do you want one? There's Gin and Rum, I like the Rum bu-"

"I don't drink alcohol." she dead panned, which only resulted in another awkward chuckle escaping Killian's mouth.

The music from the small party in the other room beat through the house, still disturbing the two of them, even though they had closed the kitchen door. Killian seemed to know the song as he tapped his head subconsciously to the beat. Emma had no idea of the modern music. He seemed to suddenly have a bright idea as his eyes widened and a massive grin was etched onto his face.

"What about tea? Or coffee?" Emma rolled her eyes inwardly. Wow, wasn't this guy a real Prince Charming? Emma nodded her head to be polite.

"Sure, either would be great," she said with a strained smile.

"Cool!" he replied, looking round for the coffee. "Oh, damn, I'm sorry, mate... we haven't got any coffee..." he said, an apologetic smile on his face.

Emma shook her head. "It's okay, don't wo-"

"And I can't find the tea," he stated bluntly. Emma just smiled at him again and shrugged.

"Water's fine," he looked at her, confused for a second, before understanding what she meant.

He nodded and leaned over her to rinse a glass before filling it with tap water and shoving it under her nose.

Emma took it quickly to avoid him spilling it over her. "Thank you."

He nodded and the two fell back into silence as Emma sipped the drink.

"So what's your fa-"

"Do you want to kiss me?" Emma asked, outright, placing the glass behind her. Killian's eyes widened and he swallowed.

"God yes," he muttered before crashing his lips against hers, his body pressing right up against hers and causing her to stumble back, getting herself caught between him and the counter.

She kissed him back with equal passion, not really sure what she was doing, but assumed from his moan, she was doing okay. She felt his hands run up her back to clutch her hair. But then the sensation stopped as his lips left hers and she felt a breeze hit her head.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed, jumping from her, clutching her hair.

Emma gasped and bit her lip at the sight of him. "It's okay, don't worry-"

"Jesus Christ!"

Emma couldn't stop the laugh that escaped. "It's fine, really!"

At that point, Ruby and her man of the night burst into the room after hearing Killian's shout.

"What's happened, man?" he asked, seeing the girl's hair in his hand.

Ruby was already laughing with Emma. This had happened before and by now it was only funny, not embarrassing. Graham saw Ruby and Emma were laughing, and he had to admit, Killian's face was the perfect picture.

He grinned at him as Killian stared round in disbelief. "Her head! The girl's head! It came off in my hand!" By now, all three of them were laughing at Killian's idiocy. But he didn't see it. He was humiliated really. He wasn't a bad guy and he felt awful for the girl- even seeing her laughing at him didn't get rid of his guilt.

Emma saw how lost the guy looked and she pitied him. Sure, she hated people pitying her, but she could pity him right? It wasn't like he had to live with it. She reached forward and touched his arm to assure him. "It's okay, really."

* * *

The two were sat awkwardly on the end of his bed. Well, he was awkward, Emma was innocent. She knew what was coming, she just didn't know how (or what) to expect. The only stories she knew of people losing their virginity were from her fairy tales and the movies she watched when she was a kid- and she doubted they counted because, well, they lacked the important detail. Ruby had told her it was a great thing, but Ruby listened to sad country music so Emma wasn't quite prepared to trust her opinion.

"You often go out in disguise?" he asked after... eleven minutes and 13 seconds of silence. Emma looked at him, confused. He pointed to her head. "You know, like... your..." he pointed to the wig and Emma shivered at his vagueness, but plastered her fake smile.

"Nah. I was sick, but I'm fine now." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sure?" Emma nodded her head firmly, closing her eyes for a second to stop the dizziness.

"Perfectly." He smirked and leaned up to kiss her again, as though sucking the air from her. Honestly? Emma hated the feeling, but went with it as she knew no different and presumed this was how it was meant to feel.

He pulled away from her and reached over the side of the bed, grabbing a condom. Emma swallowed nervously.

"Aren't we meant to... you know, do that," she indicated to his lips. "For longer?" He smirked at her and shook his head.

"I'm ready now, love." He leaned back in, but Emma leaned away.

"Look at me," she said, but his eyes were down as he tried to open the packet. Emma grabbed his face so she could look into his lust filled eyes. "This is my first time." she whispered (and most probably last) she thought. His eyes grew darker and his smirk changed to the look of lust.

"Perfect." He mumbled, shoving his mouth on hers and pulling his body over her. Emma gasped and pushed him back.

"Guess it's not yours," she muttered but he ignored her, pressing their lips together.

"Stop talking now," he said between kisses. She felt his hand run down her, almost between her thighs before she sat up and shoved him off her. He fell to the floor. "What the hell!"

Emma took a shaky breath and shook her head. "No. Not like this." she said quietly, more to herself really.

"What?" he said again, standing up. Emma turned away from him, feeling incredibly guilty.

"Not like this, sorry." Killian glared at her back and shrugged.

"Whatever, like it even matters."

"I'm sorry, truly-" Emma started, turning round to try explain, but he waved her off before falling face first on his bed.

"Whatever." Emma nodded, took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Thank you though," she said to him, but there was no response. She slid from his room and hurried down the stairs, stopping only for a second to gaze jealously at Ruby and Graham, but what could she do? It was too late to fix what she'd stopped and either way, she knew it felt wrong. She'd had a crap life these past couple years and she wasn't willing to let her last moments end up crap too.

Emma opened the front door quietly and stepped into the darkening street. Taking a deep breath she did the one thing she was warned not to do. She ran. She ran all the way home.

* * *

**Let me know what you think and whether it's worth an update :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**We'll be meeting Regina next chapter :)**

* * *

"Where were you last night?" her dad asked, again.

Emma crossed her arms, rolling her eyes. She shifted in her seat so her body was angled away from his- hoping he would take the hint. Of course he didn't.

"I don't get it, Em. You used to tell me everything..." he said sadly. Emma swore whenever she was with her father her eyes would roll out of her head. Her phone beeped and she reached to check who it was.

"'Used to' being the prominent part of that sentence." she muttered, smiling at the text Ruby had sent her to meet at the docks later. There was some sort of carnival on and Emma knew Ruby loved them- more than the kids did. She sent a reply promising to do so after she'd finished this stupid interview.

David sighed, reaching out to grab her hand- but Emma pulled away. "You could start again..." he said wistfully, awkwardly taking his hand back to lie on his lap. "Like for starters, why don't you tell me where you were last night?" Emma huffed, keeping her head away from him.

"Keep asking, dad. I'm not telling." He was silent for a moment, shocked that she really hadn't told him yet, but he laughed after the awkward pause, patting her knee, trying to release the tension. She stared at him until he stopped and pulled away.

"Fifteenth time's the charm, Honey." Emma raised her eyebrows, about to comment back when a woman with too red lips and too pink cheeks stumbled over to them, beaming too brightly. Emma winced just looking at the woman, but she wasn't one to judge.

"Hey, Sweetie," Emma grimaced. She hated being patronised. "I'm Kathryn." Ugh. The woman was overly perky. Emma gave the woman a curt smile and ignored her offered hand. Kathryn coughed to clear the tension before David stood to shake her hand warmly.

"Hey Kathryn, it's great to meet you." And then the smile was back- Emma swallowed a gag at the look the woman was giving her father. Gooey eyes. Yuck.

"Mr. Swan, right? We spoke on the phone," Emma swore her teeth were glittering. She squinted to try get a closer look without blinding herself, but Kathryn turned her head back to Emma, effectively stopping her from being able to judge the work done to woman. She then glanced back to David, a pitying look falling over her face. She rested her arm gently on his arm as she spoke softly. "The lift is broken, will your angel be okay on the stairs."

Emma snorted and stood up, pushing between the two and storming towards the stairs. "The angel can walk- and talk for herself- just fine, thanks." Emma shouted behind her as she crashed open the door and ran up the stairs.

David shook his head apologetically at Kathryn. "Sorry, she does this sometimes," he said quickly before running off after her, waving to thank Kathryn for her time.

* * *

"Hi, I'm Sidney, it's a pleasure to meet you," the official looking man said, offering his hand to Emma before her father. "You must be David, right?" he joked. Emma glared at him and slumped into her seat, crossing her arms and staring out the window.

She heard her father laugh awkwardly before taking Sidney's hand and again, apologizing for her behaviour. Seriously? If she were sorry, she would say so. She doesn't need someone to do it for her.

"It's great to be here, Mr. Glass. Emma and I are huge fans of the show," David rambled happily. Okay, not a massive lie. Emma and he used to listen to the show all time when she was kid. They would hike up the massive hill at the edge of the forest and have a picnic every Sunday before duelling together with broken sticks. Her mother would berate the two of them for getting their clothing dirty and they would have to stand and hang their heads in shame, before laughing when she turned her back. The radio would be on in the background so her mother would have something to do as she much preferred to be found than to find.

Emma smiled fondly at the memory for a moment before it was wiped from her brain at Sidney's voice.

"Okay, Emma?"

"What's that?" she asked, ignoring her father fidgeting beside her. Sidney smiled at her and repeated what he had just said.

"It's just going to be a casual talk, okay? Be as natural as possible and don't worry, I'll help you through, Emma." She nodded and crossed her arms.

"Wait, how are you going at this?" he moved his hand from the computer to cross his fingers.

"What do you mean, Emma?" she rolled her eyes. He was overusing her name. Must be some stupid psychological thing to boost her ego or something lame.

"Will it be the whole dying girl thing who is a hero really, or have you got something..." Emma thought. "'Original." she mocked.

Sidney sat there, confused by what she was incinuating. "Excuse me?"

Her father smiled at Sidney as he placed his hand on Emma's knee, squeezing slightly in warning. "Ignore that, please Mr. Glass."

Sidney nodded at David before turning back to Emma, smiling again. "I know it's heavy stuff, but let's just try keep it.. upbeat, okay Emma?"

Emma was going to say something before her father squeezed her knee again. She bit her lip to refrain from speaking and merely beamed at Sidney in mock happiness.

He nodded back before pushing a button and speaking into the microphone.

She looked around the small room, sitting further back in her chair. There wasn't much. Computer and radio... stuff along with their chairs and a desk. There were no personal touches, nothing homey. Emma didn't like it much. She looked through the glass window behind Sidney and sighed sadly when she saw a young man appear behind a girl, wrapping arms around her waist and kissing her neck. She subconsciously wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Hello Storybrooke!" His booming voice brought Emma out of her melancholy thoughts. "It's your favourite presenter, Sidney Glass here, happy Saturday! I am delighted to have as my guest in today's studio a brave young lady, Emma Swan. This young woman has been su-" a glance at Emma saw she was not impressed so Sidney quickly changed his wording.

"Living, with leukaemia for the last three years and is here with her father to tell us about it. So, David, tell us... when did you first realise Emma was," he coughed awkwardly. "Sick?"

Emma rolled her eyes and huffed, crossing her arms. Here we go again. He dad would tell the same story again. "Emma was sick. Mommy said it was the flu. I said she was too sick. It's been four years since the diagnosis." Blah blah blah.

She gazed out the window at the people wandering aimlessly below and felt jealous. She saw two girls giggling outside the store, holding some trashy magazine. Probably saw some guy's dick for the first time. And then there was the old man mumbling to himself. Emma watched him carefully. Old people fascinated her. They were all different, unlike teenagers and babies- most fall into a stereotype... but every old person was different. And it was something she would never be, so may as well get the learning done now so she could at least imagine the feeling.

He was about to vanish from her eye line, making her lean forward in her seat to keep watch, but she felt her dad's arm block her stomach. "What?"

"Emma? You okay? You looked like you were about to fall out your chair," Emma glared at him and sank back into her seat.

"I'm fine." She spat out, tightly crossing her arms to her chest. Sidney chuckled awkwardly and captured David's attention again.

"Just distracted by the sunshine, right Emma?" he asked, not waiting for a response. "Now David, was it your decision to end Emma's chemo? Or did the little tiger choose that herself?"

Emma scoffed at his patronising tone and opened her mouth to speak for herself, but David had already spoken- knowing that his daughter would not be too polite in her answer, even though this was a family show.

"Emma decided herself. Her mother and I were supporting her the whole time though of course. The doctors confirmed our worse fears and the chemo was only making her sick. She-" David bit his lip and Emma rolled her eyes, again.

He always got sad thinking about it, despite the fact that was all he ever did. Emma leaned forward in her chair and spoke for him.

"I found out I was sick four years ago and was given chemo. I stopped it last year because I hated feeling so crappy all the time," Sidney nodded, interrupting her to show that he was still in charge of the conversation.

"A big decision for a seventeen year old."

Emma gave him a deadpan look. She'd heard that one too. "Hardly, if you'll forgive me Mr. Glass, but it's my life and I'm the only one who feels like this, you know?" he nodded, opening his mouth. But Emma pressed on, determined not to be interrupted. "So I decided to end it naturally I guess, rather than be sick and helpless and dependent on everyone. I'd hate that. At least now I still have a chance to be a teenager... for a while anyway," she said simply, leaning back and crossing her arms again. David brought his hand to his face, scratching his cheek. His nervous habit. Sidney nodded, continuously smiling at her. "There are things I want to do before I die that I couldn't do if I had chemo."

Sidney perked up shuffling closer to the edge of his seat. "A list you say? Your father never mentioned that."

Emma grinned and moved closer to Sidney, her elbows now on the table as she whispered, albeit loudly, "that's cause he don't know about it."

Sidney's eyebrows raised as he looked at David, who was sat there, dumbstruck. He knew his daughter was blunt and private, but this... a list?

"So your father has no idea?"

Emma smirked at both the men. "Until now? Nope, he had none. But that's because most of it's illegal." She said cockily, as though goading the men. A silence fell over the small room as Emma just grinned at the men. They sat there, processing what Emma had just said, her father stunned by this admittance. Sidney was the first to recover by rustling papers and laughing his infuriating, nervous laugh.

"Well, I'm almost scared to ask," he said politely, chuckling again, humouring her. He opened his mouth, looking ready to close the segment, but Emma was having too much fun now.

"I nearly had sex last night." Emma stated, her face blank. Her father chocked beside her and she hid her smirk. "Although I guess that's not illegal here." Her face changed to a thoughtful expression as she continued, ignoring the looks of horror passing between Sidney and her father. "But he was so crap the guy should be arrested anyway!" Emma cackled and Sidney hastily tried to end the show.

"Well it looks like that's all we have time for, li-" he was stopped when Emma loudly said.

"Drugs are next. Any recommendations?" she said, her face blatantly smug because, after all, who would challenge a cancer kid?

"Well aren't you amusing? I think you'll agree listeners that Emma is one feisty lady ready to take on all the world has to offer. Thank you very much Emma and her father." Sidney said quickly, all in one breath. When Emma opened her mouth Sidney was fast to say, "now the weather."

Emma huffed and jumped from her chair and storming out of the room, leaving her father to try and silently apologize for her behaviour.


End file.
